so i hung out with him friday night. we went to see a movie. i didnt even kiss him and it was the cutest night. then last night i picked him up again. we just drove around and stalked people. i kissed him maybe once. but i held his hand for 99% of the night. again, precious night. so then i get home and he texts me and tells me he wants to call me. i said no cause i was tired but asked what he wanted to talk about. ..
M-i want to be your boyfriend and i want you to be my girlfriend but i know how weird this is with sean and everything so i just wanted to know if you wanted that as well. Unlike what happened with leah, i’ll wait for you to be ready
L-i dont want you to think i dont care about you because i really do but i dont know if i can commit to you yet. i gotta get used to it first. the last thing i wanna do is hurt you. just gimme a while?
wtf. he makes me the happiest i’ve been in probably over two years. and i fucked it up. he said he’ll wait, but i dont know how long im gonna take. i cant decide what i want. when i said this to him he said..
“well obviously im biased hahah but just know i understand how you feel i think. 1. you love the guy still and don’t want him to think you forgot about him 2. even though i know you’re not shallow and dont care what others think, you still dont want it to seem like you forgot about him to others.”
i told him i didnt want to hurt him. personally, this answer made me cry.
“laura, im a big boy. plus we all run the risk of getting hurt. if im gonna get hurt, i’d want it to be by you. i’ll take the risk, its completely worth it.”
on 11/11/11 at 11:11 my wish was that sean would take care of me. i think this is it. i think i just need to go with it. he’s good to me. he’s what i need. its still too soon. jesus christ. i took “tossing and turning” to a new level last night.